In Flight

Maybe all I had wanted
was my heart to be a bird
freed to all of life's longing.

But over time,
I had been ambitious
and had flown too close
to the burning sun;
and time and time again,
I have pummeled to the earth,
melted wings, spiraling,
sinking my body into ash.

Is this what I truly want?

I have wondered why
I lose the constant
of feeling safe -
and having to remember
that I am the only person
who can make
this safe.

To rebuild the wings that
send me on the journey
of my heart opening,
only to pick at the scar
that exposes it
to be seen and burned.

Is this what I truly want?

Can I stay grounded,
wings intact,
never looking toward the sun
keeping my heart in my chest,
feeling my chest,
feeling my heart,
only myself.

Can I fly low,
ask for what I want,
retract when it's not safe,
expand when it is,
living preventively,
flying, dodging, embracing,
sustaining my flight
my whole life.

Is this what I truly want?

Or do I want to keep burning into ash, pummeling to the earth -
right before I feel the blinding heat of this wonderful sun?