I'm grappling with my attachment for attention. I'm hiding, feeling gusts of jealousy and longing, wanting to die because it occurs as so much pain. It doesn't feel as familiar and serenely self-defeating as it use to - this feeling now feels like a hindrance to me being as transparent and as free to open as I truly want. Even in this truth, I tear up. This pain - it's shame - and it won't let me breathe.
As I write this, I lie in wait, praying that someone will find me. How desperate, how pathetic can I be?
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